The Wonders of Myself

When was the last time you cried? 

A few hours before writing this post. I was watching If I Stay and it was kinda sad towards the end. I actually almost cried, well I cried actually because there's tears coming out from both my eyes.

Do you like your handwriting?

I am a left-handed person and I sometimes I cannot maintain my handwriting, There are times where my handwriting looks so neat and nice and there are time where I am at my worst when writing. Even I myself cannot read what I wrote. 

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

To define myself as a simple person, is not what I had in mind but deep down inside I believe to myself that I am a good person. There are lots of good qualities I see in me but some of my friends sometimes take it and use it against me. I believe that cursing is not the best thing when to express your anger but I know that sometimes it helps though. I believe that all people should not tell lie because its not a good thing to do but still, a lot of people keep on practicing lies this days even some of my friends. I believe that as a lady, we should behave and have manners. Well, there's just so many things in my beliefs and all of that leads to how to be a good person. Therefore, yes. I would love to be friends with me. 

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I do not think I use sarcasm to the fullest during my life time. During conversation, most of the time I will always listen more rather than be talking because I don't like arguments. Even though when the people are saying it wrong when I know its right, I will just keep it inside of because I so dislike arguments.

Do you think you are strong?

I play sports. I play netball, volleyball, handball and any other ball-playing-using-hands-only sports. But I am awful when it comes to running, I hate it. So, for physically, I do feel a little bit strong. Just enough for me. As for mentally, I am not even sure I am strong enough. I tend to lose away from myself when I am under pressure. I make stupid things without thinking. I use to self-harm because I think it made me feel good when dealing with problems but thanks to a friend, I stopped and never going there again. Spiritually I feel not strong enough. I am still building up my spirituality. As a Muslim, to perform your prayers is the most important thing in your life and as of right now, I am doing my best to be more responsibility of this matter. 

What is the first thing you notice about people?

To be honest, I have a little bit of racism in me but I have never showed it when encountering with other races people. When meeting new people, I will always look at the skin colour first. If they're different from me, I might as well not approach them and not let them approach me. But once I got to know them and if they are okay, then I'll like them. 

What the least favourite thing about yourself?

For now, I am not favouring about my weight. I feel not comfortable in this body and my friends keeps on teasing me with it. I felt enrage but what can I do, they're my friends and sometimes friends make fun of other friends too. It felt sad when they said something awful about me although they're just saying it but I take it deep and I shove it right into my heart and it hurts. I wish everything would be easier for me in life. I really wish.

Sacrifice

I am not pretty and I always feels I am not good enough when doing anything. I am just a typical girl you see everywhere. I cannot say I am nice but I am very sure I am not a bad person. I am somewhere in between that line. I have issues with myself where worrying about what people said about me and sacrifice my own happiness for someone else. I believe this world is evil but there is also kindness in it. It depends how I view it from time to time. 

Sacrifice; the act of losing or surrendering something as a penalty for a mistake or fault or failure to perform

Hot Stuff // Fashion, Fame and Farm

The past few days, I've been hiding in my bedroom all day long. You know what I did in that room ? I was playing games. Yeah, just playing games. I played 3 different games and have been staying up late for it. Now, my face is getting worst, my sleep time went all around and I think I'm getting fat because I sit most of the time playing the games; most of the time lying on the bed. I only went out of the room when its about time to eat and shower. I feel lifeless but the games are so much fun and I can't stop. I poor my phone because I keep on playing even when I'm charging it. I hope it doesn't affect it.

Now, I present to you, the three games I've been talking about :

1. Kim Kardashian : Hollywood

2. Fashion Story

3. Farm Story 2

Its just so much fun !

I dream I was studying engineering with the iCarlys

I just woke up and it's like afternoon now and I decided to quickly write this post or I'll forget it later. I have bathed okay.

It was a typical school day and I was making moves to the classroom when I saw Sam, Carly and Freddy dancing around in this huge dance room. It's like they're practicing for their new show and Freddy was involved too (he's usually behind the camera) and I just walk in to know that's the class I've been looking for. I sit at the front row, exactly right in front the teacher's desk. I took my computer and start doing some engineering study when Sam come. She looks puzzled looking at my work and said, "so, that's what it looks like", "yeah, I guess so". After that, they all got into their places. When I came in, I saw no chair and desk but then when I was about to sit, appeared a chair and a desk in front. So, I just sit, Apparently, when you decided to sit, the chair and desk will just appear. Cool.

Not long after that, lots of student came in. All different faces I've never seen before but yet again, I saw a few of my classmate during high school (engineering class during Form 5) and they were all like 'hey, what's up!'. So, they notice me. I was kinda happy because it was like high school all over again but far more better because we're with the iCarlys too! Then, the teacher came in. It was my high school teacher, haha. Of course it was her, its engineering, who else are supposed to teach. Its all related. We were supposed to hand in our homework that day and I'm still not finish with it. So, I just ditch the class and went back to my dorm (yeah, I live in a dorm like when I was in high school)

I can't quite remember what happen there but I was staying at the same dorm I was when in high school. Ahh, the good all day. I was just hanging out and relaxing when my boyfriend called. He asked what I've been doing and I told him I ditch class today. He was angry when I ditch class so he wanted to see me. I got up and got all doll up just to meet him although I knew I was getting scold but it was all worth it because I got to see him (I haven't seen him for almost a month now because of semester break and I guess I just miss him) and I went straight to the faculty where he's waiting for me.

When I got out, I was in front of my house. That's weird. At the beginning, I was at the dorm, then when I went out, it was the front of my house. What a confusing dream. I was about to cross the road when I saw him, waiting for me while playing with his phone. I went straight to him and he said he wants to walk me to class. We went straight when we're supposed to turn left. We're going the wrong way actually. Although we're going the wrong way, I'm happy because it was with him. 

I don't know why but that was the most happiest moment in the entire dream. He was looking all good looking and I like the way he dress up. He was wearing a t-shirt inside and wore a plain blue shirt on the outside with a pair of light blue jeans, match with a pair of Van's shoes. He looks so good, I just want to hug him all day but unfortunately the dream ended right there. I heard my mom yelling to tell me to wake up because it's noon already.

Ahh, what a dream.

Hot Stuff // Makeups just excites me !

Happiness is what in my head when thinking of having and owning all of the makeups in the world I can have. I was browsing through the internet and sudden random thinking came into my head and I made my journey of searching random cosmetics online website. 

Here are some of the website that I've gone though :

1. Sephora 
2. Elf Makeup & Cosmetics
3. Colour Cosmetics Malaysia

I was just scrolling and scrolling and be amazed at the same time. I saw brushes collection, different colour of lipstick, eyebrow kit and so much more. Some of it caught my attention and I intend to buy them later (when I got my money of course).

NYX Pore Filler

It says there, they're selling it for RM50.00. Now, I don't know the average price for this item but I really wanna try it out. My pores at my face is big and people can really see them if they stand closer to me. I really wish this could help. I don't know where I'm gonna find it but I'll keep searching and finding until it get it. 

Butter Lip Balm

I don't know if I need this but everyone else seems to have at least ONE lip balm in their makeup bag. So, I'll just have one. Plus, my lips are getting dry these day and it looks not healthy. So, what the heck, I'll just grab one later. I've chosen 3 colours and I can't decide which one to get. Better yet, why not all of it. 

NYX Chunky Dunk Hydrating Lippie

As for this one, they look interesting; like crayons. I've bought a Revlon purple matte lipstick and it look just like this, like crayons. Well, the name itself says it all. I can't decide which one to buy and I can't possibly buy all of them or I could, hah. 

NYX Control Freak Eyebrow Gel

Haha, the eyebrow gel for the control freak. Nah, just kidding. Growing up as a girl with less hair at the eyebrow just kills me inside. At first, I don't really mind at all but when my friends started teasing me (even my little little cousin), it went straight into my heart. I couldn't bear it no more. So, I must find some alternatives to make me look like I have eyebrows. And then there they are, the eyebrow kit. I'm still new in eyebrow grooming and I think I need this. 

I kinda choose all NYX because I don't know, the name itself just amuse me and I just like it. So, beat it if you don't like it. Hopefully I get to collect as much money as I can and get to buy all of these gorgeous makeups.

A cat's funeral is something rare

I'm sitting here in my room remembering and reminiscing about the past. The moment where my house cat, Wicky, was so active and adorable. He was a people person and he acted our house like his own. Going in and out as he pleased. But, Wicky is not here no more. He's gone. Forever gone and buried in the his own grave that my brother had made (I assume he's the one that's in charge of the funeral arrangement). 

Wicky first came to our house somewhere around this year or last year, if I'm not mistaken. We thought he was the neighbour's cat. So, my dad gave him back to our neighbour who's living across the road. He was charming and apparently not afraid of people. He even approached us first. Then, one day he decided to just stay and not leaving. My family didn't mind though. 

My sister, Alang, she's very into cats (well, not to say REALLY but I can see it inside of her) and she took quite a good care of him. There's this one time he got injured and she put a plaster to cover his wound. Of course it didn't work because it's not sticking to the skin but to the fur. So, my dad helped my sister to put a bit medicine to the wounded cat. Even my dad is also a cat person (I can also see that inside of him). 

Then, he made love to Mary (the other house cat) and she gave birth to two adorable kittens named Ricky and Micky. Micky looks exactly likes her father. White base fur with a bit of black colour on it. Not long after that, the kittens got eyes infection and I guess he got that too. He sleeps almost all day and not being active like he use to (sneaking in to the house and round around as he please). I'm assuming he's very sick and I can feel that he's going away. Like he's gonna die. But I deny that feeling and said to myself no, not that. Maybe he's just very ill. Just that.

This afternoon, I woke up and went straight to see where my mother was. She's at the back of the house feeding the cats and he was there to, I assume. Then, I bathed and did some laundry, hanging the clothes outside and I saw him in the drain. He's kinda relaxing, like playing hide and seek. And that was the last time I saw him. 

Late that evening, my little cousin, Abby, came back from school and she was shouting at the back of our house. I got out of the room and went to see what's wrong. She came in through the back door and said "Wicky is dead!". I was like shock to death. He was fine just before. My mom came too and was a bit shock (but not too much) and saying he was fine while she was feeding him. "Are you sure he's not just sleeping?". "No, he's dead! He's not moving at all and there are flies surrounding him" said my little cousin. 

I got out from the house to check up on Wicky and what little cousin's saying was true. All true with no lie. There he is. Laying on the grass as if like he was sleeping (but in a weird posture) and I just couldn't believe it. I didn't cry though because we were never that close. He's just a cat I know and I care a bit about him. I ran to my sister and tell her the news. I don't know what she felt. After that, I just shut myself in my room. 

I was thinking to pet a cat, my very own cat but when stuff like this happen . . I don't know how to handle it. So, I decided to just find any adopt pet shop and just adopt one. I just don't want to have to feel to lose a cat in death tragedies. Its just the worst feeling ever. It's the same kinda of feeling when you lost the one you loved and can never see them again. It's sad.

This is him. When I look at this, I realize something. He's like a panda, a panda cat. I like panda and I like him. Farewell, Wicky. You will be miss. I will miss you, panda cat. 

Hot Stuff // I wanna buy something but I need to save money

It's August right now and not long after that its gonna be the end of the year. You know what that means. YEAR END SALES ! and I can't wait for that. Therefore, I shall save all the money I can. Less eat, no movies . . okay maybe less movies because I really love going to the cinema watching new movies but any other than that, I need to keep it less than before. I need to gather all the money I can.

But then, I scroll my instagram and I find this one instashop is having a sale and guess what ?! I fell in love with it, with the sale item. Why now ?! Why not at the end of the year.

Why ?! Why you have to be so gorgeous ! I fell in love but I know I can never get you, can't get all of you lovelies. I have to be strong this time. Beautiful gorgeous scarf comes and go. Who knows, maybe I'll find something even more lovely and insanely pretty. 

I'm sorry beautiful. Tsskk. 

I dream I got married

I'm watching 'Say yes to the dress' at TLC right now. It's about bride picking out the right dress for their wedding. It's fun to watch and makes me can't wait to find my own wedding dress. 

So, yeah. I dream I got married to my boyfriend last night and it was fun. Who knew I'm getting married in my dream. It felt so real and convincing and I feel like I don't wanna wake up from that dream. It was sweet, the sweetest to its very limit. 

I don't know where I was at that time but then comes a man. He offered me a wedding ring and there were two of them, both looking so beautiful and gorgeous. There's a simple one and the other just kind a looks like there's a lot going on there. So, I choose the simple one. Yet after that, I got a weeding to attend. I was such in a hurry. All my girls are there and I remembered wearing a white gown for the wedding and he is also getting ready, helped by the guys. 

It was such a hurry wedding and everything turns out well in the end. I had fun during that wedding. Words cannot describe how I felt during during that beautiful ceremony. Then, we were taken to the raya time. We went back to my home place to celebrate Eidul Fitri and I was so busy introducing the husband to all the elderly.We were talking and laughing while having some good food when suddenly I just woke up from that dream, that beautiful dream of mine. 

Hmmm. It was so nice.

I just wanna be right next to you right now

I've put you to sleep two times while we video called and watched you for almost an hour just to make sure you are asleep. The first time is when we're skyping during our after foundation year, after 2 months not seeing each other. The second time is this time right now.

You looked so exhausted and tired. I knew you couldn't stay longer for a video call. So, I told you to go to sleep and you want me to put you to sleep. The moment you close your eyes, I waited for you to open it again; to look at me, but you didn't and just went straight sleeping. You're tired after all. Its already been 15 minutes you've been sleeping and I'm writing this while you're sleeping in that 15 minutes. I still haven't ended the video call. I'm writing this while watching you sleep.

I thought your snoring problem was over. Well, think again. You still have it. I can clearly hear it. Gosh. Seeing your face asleep makes me wanna be there beside you; hugging you tightly. Make sure you're comfortable. I really wish I can be there beside you. I miss you. You look so cute and innocent while sleeping. I like it. 

One more week before school starts over. Then, we'll be together again. I can't wait for that. I can't wait to play and fool around doing random stuff with you. I'm sure it's gonna be awesome. I feel happy whenever I'm around you. Thank you.

Goodnight, sayang. 

I got nothing to do at home

It's getting worst. I woke up in the afternoon and skipped my morning. It has been like a week since I saw morning. I miss morning time. It's perhaps because I've been fasting and I don't have to take my breakfast so I just skipped all  morning routine and went straight for the afternoon until it's time to break fast. It's not actually good but oh well. I guess I just couldn't help myself for sleeping and snuggling on the bed for so long. It's so comfy. I stayed all day in my room. Okay, probably not all day. I did went out to find food.

I talked to my boyfriend just now and I'm thinking about having a cat and buying a go pro but he said no to both. Hmmm. I already plan how to get the money. He said cats make me lose focus for study and I don't need a go pro because . . why do I need it ? Instead, he insist me of buying an iPhone. Mmm perhaps later maybe. 

I'm expanding and feeling ugly

I'm in semester break right now and it has been a week and a half. The first week was Eidul Fitri and us family have been going to relatives house and my dad's friend's place. It's the month for forgiving and start things all over again. 

I didn't really went anywhere this raya. I meet up with my best kindergarten buddies. We went to our kindergarten teacher's house to visit her and see how is she. Then, we went straight to Alamanda, Putrajaya. We watched movies, we had good food and went to the Pullman Putrajaya Lakeside. It's was a nice day.

Done with the first week of raya and everyone went back to their schools except me because I'm on my semester break. Do you wanna know what do I do ? Nothing. I did the same thing everyday: 

1. woke up late
2. I didn't had breakfast because I was fasting and still are now
3. driving my brother to school and picking up my sister from school
4. play games at my phone until I fall asleep
5. woke up around 6.30 pm
6. getting ready to breakfast 
7. watch movies, tumblring etc
8. go to sleep at 2.00 am

Then, I found this pretty youtuber who did vlogs and fashion videos; which is quite interesting for me, and I subscribe her immediately. The channel is clothesencounters. I found her while I was randomly searching for grunge lookbook at youtube and then, there she was showing her style for grunge fashion. Now, I'm watching all her videos. 

Well, that's pretty much what I did. 

I want to lose some weight but I'm just too lazy to get my ass off. And I feel so ugly right now because I'm not taking good care of my face. I woke up late, I stayed up late at night. Ugh, I'm not living my life healthily and I hate it. 

Bedroom sucks

School holidays are in and my holiday is coming to an end. Finally the results are out. My CGPA drop from 3.25 to 3.18. Hemm. I got 4 A's and 2 C's. I hate those two C's. Thankfully I didn't fail any paper or retake any subject. 

The past 3 weeks have been boring for me. I just stayed home a lot. Not to say spending my time a lot with the family but I just stay put in my room doing my stuff. Gosh, I really wish my room have a real window; where when it's morning the sunlight will go in through the window and shine your morning, where I can open up and feel the morning breeze and fresh cold air. Gosh, that'd be heaven for me. 

Unfortunately, I don't have proper windows in my rooms. My dad design the house with just two bedroom and then expand the house when we got a younger brother. So, he add another room just at the back of my room. How should I put this . . they made another kitchen and through that new kitchen, you can go to the other new room. Basically, my bedroom is surrounded by kitchen and two rooms. My room is in the middle of the house. That sucks. 

Right now, my room is ugly. It's painted with a splat of yellow and the rest is just the old pink colour. I wanna paint the room and have black curtains with white bed sheet. Yeah, I will do that :) !!

Welcome back !

My baby acer is back home :) Welcome home, I miss you so much. I've been miserable without you. I can't watch my favourite movies, I can't write in my blog, I can't tumblr and I can't do many things without you. Thank God, you here now. I love you :3

So, today I went to two places; Low Yat Plaza and Putrajaya. There's me, Jan, Aely, Ejat and Fahim. All five of us hang out for the first time ever since. . well, I don't know. . high school maybe ? Oho, it's has been such a long time. We're that kinda high schools buddies that like to discover new things and cause trouble a lot. That was when we're all at the age of sixteen. Ahh, good old time. 

After picking you up, acer, we went straight to Purajaya; for the Belia Festival and Jom Heboh. It was so crowded with cars, big loud motorcycles and peoples. It was hard for us to find a parking spot too. After walking and walking with exhausted and tired feeling, we decided to head to Alamanda shopping mall because that's where the cold air is.

I didn't even buy anything at the festival because the heat was getting into me. Though, I did found the insta shop that I've been following at my instagram. There was a lot of pretty clothes but unfortunately I can't afford to buy another piece of clothes as I'm saving my money for my next sem fees. Uhuhuhuhu

I did bought two books at Alamanda MPH. Both are horror-ish kinda book. I can't wait to read them both! 

Korean Drama // I'm in love again

I'm blogging using my sister's new Lenovo laptop as mine is still at the shop. 

So, today I didn't do nothing much. I spent all my afternoon, evening and night watching this one Korean drama; Full House Take 2. I fell in love again with kdrama :) I have a bunch of kdrama in my laptop. Some of it I downloaded myself and some of it are from my friends. I've been wanting to watch all the drama during this sem break but my laptop have to be sent away. Too bad for me. But not too bad actually. I can watch it online of course ! 

Full House Take 2

 

 

I just love love Won Kang-hwi (Park Ki Woong)
First of all, he's blonde. I have a major like to blonde guys. I don't know why :) If the blonde fits you well, then I'll like you immediately. I love his face and his smile. By just looking his face smiling, I'll just scream and blush to myself. Ahh why he have to be like that; looking all good and blonde, I just want to . . ahhhh ! His character in this drama is so carefree and fun. If I could, I want to be his friend. Ah no, no, not just a friend ahhh I don't know. Just writing about him makes me excited !

 

I really hate Lee Tae-ik's and Jang Man-ok's hairs
I'm currently at episode 20 and I really hope they change Man-ok's hair in the later episode. Why do they have to make her hair looks like that ? It's ugly and makes her age more than her own age. For Tae-ik's, until this current episode, I much more prefer his hair to be straight rather than being curly-wurly. 

 

The annoying Jin Se-ryung and bad guy LJ 
Jin Se-ryung; she really knows how to make people annoyed with her attitude. She's bossy and always think she can get whatever she wants. She keeps mentioning "yes, it's me. World star Jin Se-ryung" blergh world star my ass. As if anyone would care. That LJ guy, he's the director of the company or what ahh I don't know but what I know I really don't like that guy. He just do whatever he likes without even asking the people that's involve. That's just rude ! 

Whatever it is, I really hope that Man-ok ends up with Kang-hwi but I know that's not gonna happen because based on my 20 episode of observation, I think Man-ok likes Tae-ik. Haish, why him ? Don't you see Kang-hwi is more fun to be with uhuhuhhuhu. Haaaa ~~, I want to continue the next episode. Kang-hwi :)

    

Got no laptop, got no fun

Sunday morning I wake up smelling the breakfast that my dad is cooking. It smelled delicious ! I brushed my teeth and with no shower, I go and get my breakfast. Burger and fries for breakfast, okay :) My dad always cook the best breakfast ever. Everytime he makes us breakfast, I can't wait to dig in. He should be in the food business, that'd be great and delicious too. Thanks ayah for all the delicious breakfast ♡ 

So, this is the day my sister got her first laptop and her first phone. She's 18 and still doesn't have a phone. Pretty nerd haha; no offence tho sister. She's not really into texting or calling, so ayah gave her a Samsung Tab and that tab has been full of her kpop idol videos and her kinda stuff which suit her better. But that tab time has come to the end, not to mean it's all broken. It's just that she's going to continue her study and a phone is a must thing to have. I mean how do you expect to make phone calls with that big rectangle tab. She decided to sell the tab and buy a phone.

We went to Low Yat Plaza to find the perfect laptop and phone. It was so packed, people walking around and musics everywhere. Ugh, I really hate that kinda situation. After many searching has been done, she bought a Sony Xperia C and Lenovo Laptop. I reallly want her to buy Lenovo because the speaker is so nice ! 

But before the searching, I had to sent away my laptop for repair. Uhuukss :( I'll get it back after 5 working days. 5 days without my laptop, I can't ughhh. I am now blogging trough my phone. Thank god my phone is a mega size phone. So, it's easy for me to type and see what I'm writing. I don't have to squeeze my eyes to read. Its just fine as it is. I love you, mega ♡

         

#the eyebrows woot woot 

Superb Saturday

Its 1 o'clock in the morning and here I am siting in front of my laptop trying my best to write this post. My eyes are kinda hurting me because I've been wearing my spec too long for today; the longest time ever! 

Yesterday was Saturday and I didn't stayed at home. My sisters got an award for doing their best in the big exams. So, my family attended the award ceremony. I was there too. I came along because I miss my school and I want to see them; to breathe the air of the place which I used to study and play around, ahhh memories. 

I really wish to stumble into my classmates but non showed up. Well, of course they didn't come because it was none of their business unless they have a sister like me to get award or something but nahhh. No classmates but one friend did notice me. I don't really remember his name but I think it's Arif Amarudin. Heh, I don't know if I spell it right. It was nice talking to him, getting to know how he was. Good old friend. Though, my juniors were happy to see me. I'm really proud of them. Look at them, getting award and stuff. Back at the old days, they were just a bunch of troubles and so hard for me to handle but now I think they look smart :)

I met my used-to-be classroom teacher and gosh, she stills has that cheerful kinda vibe. We talk a bit about schools and my classmates and all. It was so nice meeting her after 2 years finished from high school. When I was her student, I thought she looks tall, I mean taller than me but look at the picture ! We're equal haha. 

Anyway, congrats my sisters for being smart and scored well in the big exam. I'm proud of you guys :) Heh, I looked wicked in this picture, wearing all black and stuff.